Moving my blog

I want to thank you for reading my blog. With the help of my great webdesigner, I now have a blog on my website. I ask you to come follow me there and see what I am up to.

Here is the link: http://www.coachingsteps.com/info/claudettesblog.php

I look forward to your input and comments there.

Warmly,

Claudette

Dealing with health issues

My dear readers.

I want to start off by appoligizing for not being very consistent with my blog. I really value that I have readers wanting to read what I have to say and wondering how come she hasn't put anything up, especially after saying she would.

In the last few weeks, I have been really tired and totally not myself. I decided to see my doctors and was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism. For those that do not know what exactly it does to you, here is a link to a magazine that came out.

http://www.powerofprevention.com/POP_magazine_Jan2009_final.pdf

I am confident that once I start treatment, I will be back to my old self with the energy that people around me are use to. In the meantime, I will allow myself to be taken care of (as I have taken care of so many people in my life) and will focus on the areas of my practice that I can do.

When I come back to this blog, I intend to be fully present and provide you with quality information that you deserve. In the meantime, I will recharge myself and think of you all.

Best to all

Claudette

Question of the Week

OK. Here as another question for you to pounder. This one actually came to me after talking with couples who had been widowed for a while and eventually remarried.

Stepfamily issues arise only when younger children or teens are involved. True or False.

As you consired this question, ask yourself why or why not is this situation different or not.

See you on Wednesday.

Response to Monday's "Question of the Week"

Alright. So now you've had a few days to think about my statement on Monday which was
"Stepfamilies are the same as nuclear families (never divorced and with no prior children from other relationships) True or False".

The answer is False. Here is why.

1. Stepfamilies are born out of a loss of dream, of a former relationship, of having both biological parents always together to raise and protect the children.


2. The relationship between the stepchildren and the stepparent is due to living arrangements or through the marriage of their parent. They are not blood related.


3. The children came before the relationship and have a previous history, the longer it is, the more complex it can be.


4. Family values differ from one family to another. This is especially so if two adults bring each their children with their sets of family values. Merging these values needs negotiation and patience.


5. In the nuclear family, ugly fairytale don't exist. Boy meets girl, fall in love in live happily ever after. In stepfamilies, the stepmother is always the evil one, hating her stepchildren and making their lives ever so miserable.

Understanding the differences in stepfamilies and nuclear families is the first step towards creating a harmonious and realistic family life.

If you have questions or comments about this post, I would love to hear about them. If you would like to know more about my 6 week stepfamily program, go to http://www.coachingsteps.com/

Question of the week

This is a new series that I am launching to help stepfamilies assess where they are and where they are going within their families. Everyday, I encounter husbands/wives, fathers/mothers and children thinking that they are going to do things differently, that they know what do differently this time. But press them a bit, by asking them what makes this relationship different, what is it exactly that they can do they seem to stumble and have to think about it some more before answering.

This weekly series is designed to help you think about what your beliefs are about stepfamily life and ways to help you get started in communicating to your family ways to improve.

Every Monday, I will post a true/false statement pertaining to couples and family issues, mostly in areas of stepfamily life. On Wednesday, I will post my advise to these issues as to why they are true or false and what steps you can take to start moving your life towards a more empowering and enriched family life.

So follow me here and share your ideas and thoughts on stepfamily issues. Together, we can make a difference not only in our own lives but in the lives of future families also.
This week's first statement is:
Stepfamilies are the same as nuclear families (never divorced and with no prior children from other relationships). True or False?

Come back on Wednesday to see what my response is to this statement. Have a great day.

Letting go of control

Everyday, I coach couples and individuals on not blaming themselves for everything that happens in their lives. I tell them that sometimes, it's the situation that creates the problem and not you. This is especially true when someone you love is sick and not well. We look at what we did or could have done better to make sure that everyone is healthy and protected.



Well I too face those demons and need to remind myself that I do not control the entire universe. All I want is the best for my family and my husband and yet I too face the problem of having to see that the situation is the problem and nothing I did made it good or bad.



So today, to honor my feelings and give me some time, I've taken a very long hot shower to wash away my worries and problems, washed my hair with beautifully scented shampoo to help me relax, meeting with a great friend who will listen to me without giving my tones of advice and spend quality one on one time with my wonderful husband.



This is what I tell my clients and friends and this is what I plan on doing today. Tomorrow will be another day, full of hope and challenges, with friends and family there to remind me that I cannot control the universe but can change the way I see it.

A bit of romance please!

Ok, so it's really, really cold outside. What a great time to sit by the fireplace with someone special, bring some pillows and blankets, your favorite drink and just sit there and talk about good experiences. Take this opportunity to discuss how the two of you met, what you did, where you where and what you talked about. Put yourself back in time and savor that moment. Enjoy the feelings that come up and share them with each other.

Taking the time to remember special events, helps to bring you closer to each other. What makes couples drift apart is often the day to day routines of taking care of the kids, working, chores, and errands. It never stops unless you take the time to pause and relax.

So why not take a few hours just for yourselves and indulge in remembering that special moment where you fell in love and knew that this person was the one that you wanted to be with for the rest of your life!

February is Relationship Month

February! The first thing that comes to my mind is Valentine's Day, and then hearts and the chocolate. YUMMMM! This is all possible because of my wonderful husband. I must confess, he is not perfect (as I am definitely not) but what is great is that we work at our relationship all the time. Sometimes it's lots of fun, other times, well, let's say that it can be like going to the dentist ;0).

What is important is to never give up if this is really the person that is yours to keep (I always believe that there are exceptions to every rule, such as abuse. More on this eventually). So because I love February so much, I will be sharing tips on how to build and maintain your relationship with your No. 1 partner.

To help you with creating a stronger and more loving relationship, I am offering to you a one-time-only 30 minute free coaching session for the month of February. This is the perfect time to bring in your issues or dilemmas that have been nagging you for months (or years) and get free help. No strings attached. The time to do something is now. You deserve to have the kind of relationship you've been dreaming about. So email me at Claudette@coachingsteps.com and set up your free 30-minute coaching session and see what changes can happen.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Claudette

Upcoming Teleseminar on Stepfamilies and Finance

Money is often a big issue in many families and this is so true when you're in a stepfamily/blended family. Why is this? Well for one, the money used to support one family is now used to support two, it is being stretched at times beyond the maximum. The lost of control on how that money is being spent is another issue that these families faces. Also, do you pull you money together or do you keep it separate? I invite you to join me on January 29th, at 7:30 pm (EST) for a one hour free teleseminar on Stepfamilies and finances (long distance charges may apply). I will share ideas and strategies to help you create a plan that works for you in your family.
For more details, go to www.coachingsteps.com/registerseminar/
Thank you and looking forward to seeing you then.
Claudette

What are you waiting for?

One thing that I hear over and over when talking about stepfamilies is people telling me "I wish I had known how (hard, difficult, different, rough, much work it involved) before we had gotten married. I don't think I would have gotten involved." My questions to you is "So how is it working at this moment?"

I am one of those people. I know that when I met my husband, I was so naive and full of good intentions, thinking that "I" was going to be better than the others. I was more willing, more dedicated, more whatever you want to add here. Well, I woke up and smelled the coffee. I am one that would have liked to have known more about marrying someone with children, dealing with the ex-spouse and finding support and understanding. But after being with my husband for 19 years and YES!!! working really hard at our relationship, I don't think I would have changed a single thing. WHY? Because I would not be the person I have become, neither would my husband or our kids.

We learned because of the experiences we lived. We got the help and knowledge to understand why we were going through stages that didn't make sense to us, because we had not lived in a stepfamily as we grew up. We didn't have family members supporting us because they didn't know what made us different from the traditional family. What helped us was that we believed in each other and wanted to make a difference in our lives and in our children's lives. We got books, tapes, conferences, seminars and counselors to get us through the hard times. We also learned to celebrate the good ones too.

I am so glad that we rode with the punches because now my husband's daughter, who will be getting married in May, won't need to worry about how her mom and stepmom will be acting in the same room at the wedding, or who she should have with her to help her choose her wedding dress,or who to turn to when she is feeling anxious. She has two moms (a bio mom and a step mom) to help her and doesn't need to choose because we each have our space in her life. And that, is what I call success in my stepfamily.

So what are you waiting for? Read my January Newsletter (it's free to sign-up- plus you will receive a BONUS report on "The Outsider Syndrom") where I talk about setting goals to help your create harmony and unity in your stepfamily.

Wishing you a great 2009

Well, first let me start by wishing you and your family a very Healthy and Prosperous 2009. I think that we all need this after the year that we just finished. But the good news is that now we get to start fresh with new ideas and goals to get us moving.

Talking about goals, I've just finish writing my Info Steps Newsletter which talks about how and why to get goals (rather than resolutions). If you're not registered (it's free), just come and visit my website at http://www.coachingsteps.com/ and sign up for my monthly newsletter. You will also receive a free report on how to deal with "The Outsider Syndrome".

This year will be an exciting year for us as we will be celebrating my stepdaughter's wedding in May. I will keep you posted on how organizing and participating in a wedding when you're in a steprelationship goes. Our vision is for it to go really great.

Again, Happy New Year 2009

Claudette

Best Stepmom Gift Ever

This is a story I wrote a few days ago for another post and thought it would be appropriate here. It is written with the permission and approval of my stepdaughter.

My stepdaughter Julie and I often were at odds with each other when she was in her teens. I felt we were competing for a place in the house and in my husband's life. It was really frustrating because in my head, I knew that there could never be competition between my husband's daughter and me because we both belong and had our place within this family. But still it was hard. It was even harder when she left for college and told us that she was so glad to leave this place and wasn't planning on coming back any time real soon. It broke my husband's heart but I felt I had failed as a stepmother. I kept wondering what I could have done better, said differently or if it was a good idea for me to have stayed around.

A year and a half later, Julie came over and said she wanted to talk to me. I thought that I was going to get another "You're not my mother", "I'm not ever coming back again" something. Instead, this young lady that had left our house very bitter and angry, came back to thank me for having been there for her and not giving up. She said she didn't know how anyone could do the job I did and get no thanks for it. Needless to say, I was balling my eyes out (a thing my kids enjoy doing to me). Never in my wilddess dreams had I thought that I would hear Julie thank me for being her stepmom. From that day on, my life and perspective changed about posibilities. I saw first hand that not giving up and visualizing the posibilities does create what you want. Thank you Julie for this beautiful life lesson.

Stepmom Claudette

Questions to ask yourself as you get ready for the Holidays

So this is your first Christmas together as a stepfamily and you're wondering what are you supposed to do about the holidays when you see your partner's children occasionally. It can be tough but not necessarily.

As women, we tend to be natural caregivers, wanting everything to be picture perfect: the perfect decorations, the perfect gifts, the perfect hostess. But one thing that I ask my clients is :

1. Is this a realistic expectation?
2. Does it reflect your core values?
3. What purpose does it serve?

With these three questions, start to look at these answers as an observer, as if a friend was asking you what to do. Start to create a picture of what you can do to make this holiday season focused on what is really important. Here are a few tips:

1. Focus on just enjoying the company of others and not on what this relationship might become.
2. Use this time to get to know one another. One thing we do is play family games. There is a lot less tension is a room when games are played. No need to think of things to say or do.
3. Create a little something special for the kids and other guests, nothing complicated, like an ornament to commemorate this occasion for which you might start a new tradition, or do a stocking and put useful and fun items in there.
4. Find time to reenergize yourself throughout the visit. If you are use to being just the two of you, and then all of a sudden the house seems to expand with lots of kids, it's important to find a space for you to regroup yourself, take a breather and then come back.

This is a time that many find hard and stressful. Being aware that it is normal and that you can do something about it will give you a sense of control and possibilities for changes.

Wishing you and your family a safe and happy Holiday Season

Claudette

Upcoming Holiday InfoSteps Newsletter

Happy Holidays to Everyone.

I just wanted to give you a sneak peak at my upcoming Info Steps Newsletter that will be coming out in the next few days. This Christmas Holiday, we are celebrating a major milestone in our stepfamily relationship. Come read what it is and how we got there.

I'll give you a few clues:

1. It involves collaboratively working with my stepdaughters' mom
2. Putting aside resentful feelings and past issues
3. Creating the kind of family that we always envisioned
4. Being positive role models for your kids.

I've also included a few suggestions of games you can play together that were really fun for us.

If you have not signed up yet to receive my newsletters, please go to www.coachingsteps.com and under my photo, look for Info Steps or click here for a direct link

Wishing you and your family a safe and happy Holiday Season

Being Thankful this Thanksgiving

I am thankful that I can get up every morning in a warm and cozy house that I can afford.

I am thankful that I wake up every morning next to my wonderful husband that I adore.

I am thankful that I can see and smell the world around me although it doesn’t always seem perfect.

I am thankful that I have enough food to feed myself and my family and am able to give to those that have less than me.

I am thankful that I have a family that loves me and cares about me to include me in their lives on a daily basis.

I am thankful for the experience of being a wife to my husband, to learn the true meaning of loving in sickness and in health, to enjoy our lives in a way that we are good role models for our children and grandchildren and the possibility of growing old together.

I am thankful for the experience of being a mother to my son, to see him grown into the young man that I am proud of and of my ability to give him his space to learn through his own mistakes and still love him.

I am thankful for the experience of being a stepmother to my two stepdaughters, to have shared some great experiences together and be able to accept those that we would rather forget, to be part of their lives as a “Bonus” mom rather than being on the side lines, to be included in their new lives as soon to be wives and mothers.

I am thankful for the experience of being a grandmother to my five year old granddaughter, who brings us joy every day with her beautiful eyes and smile, her quick remarks and her never ending love for us.

I am thankful that I have an abundance of energy to enjoy the work that I do while still being a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend.

I am thankful for everyday that I am on this planet, for the opportunity to be able to make a difference in someone’s lives, but most of all to let someone make a difference in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family

Thanksgiving is the beginning of the Holiday Season for most of us. It's a time when we rush out to buy those gifts that our little ones keep adding to their wish list, to make the family's favorite dish, and to decorate so that everything looks just so.

But you know what people remember the most about the holidays is the fun times they had together, the comraderie shared and the simple experience of being together. So if you feel that you are stressing yourself out to create the perfect Holiday experience, remember that sometimes the most simple things are what are the most appreciated.

From my family to yours, we would like to wish you a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving.

Claudette and Bernard Chenevert

Clarity of Distance

Have you ever done a number or word puzzle, working at getting the "details" in, and finding yourself stuck? Your spending a lot of time looking for the answers but you just can't seem to find them.

What happens though when you walk away from the puzzle and come back later to continue? Often times, you find the key number or word that will make the whole problem just fall into place. That's clarity of distance.

We tend to focus too much on the details of the individual problem to try to make the whole thing work. But taking a break from trying to solve a problem or issue can generate a new perspective that you didn't see before. That is the advantage of clarity of distance.

Clarity of distance is to put some distance between you and the situation/ issue so that you can have a better view of what is really going on. You know that saying that you cannot see the forest for all the trees? Same is true when trying to solve a problem.

So whenever a problem seems unsolvable, remember a time when you simply took a break, got up and did something different, created some distance between you and the problem, then came back to find that the solution was staring you in the face all this time.

The magic of perspective

I love doing teleseminars. I love it even more when it helps someone feel as if they can do something positive to make a difference in their lives. It doesn't take much to chance how your life goes. It's all a matter of perspective.

Let's say that you see yourself in a very negative way. You will walk around and attract very negative things in your life. Now what if you decided to put those negative thoughts aside and focused on what was positive. All of a sudden, you start to walk straighter, you feel more energetic, you even have a smile on your face. And to top it off, people are giving you compliments about how you look.

That is what changing your perspective can do for you. I see it especially with stepmoms. If you stop seeing yourself as someone who needs to do a job that you are not sure you want to do, because of a lot of negative connotations associated with, you will feel really down about doing that job. Stepmom roles are not often seen as positive. It is often see as being mean and to some extreme, abusive. Media does a very poor job of promoting positive images for stepfamilies.

But what if you decided to see yourself as a mentor or a bonus mom? Doesn't that change your perspective on how to deal with your stepchildren? Doesn't it inspire you to approach your stepchildren in a totally different way?

Try it and see what happens. You may just be suprise at how just changing one thing can make a world of difference. It has for one mom tonight. I am so glad for teleseminars. Good luck.

Teleseminar on "How to be a Successful Stepmother" starts soon

If you wanted to join my FREE teleseminar tonight but forgot to sign in, there is still time to do this. Just send me an email with your request and I'll send you the information. The call is packed full of great tools and motivational steps to get you started on your journey to creating a successful stepfamily.

Why not join me tonight at 9:00 pm EST and listen to what I have to say. It's free (long distance charges may apply) and requires only one hour of your time. I'd love to have you on the call.

Warmest Regards

Claudette Chenevert
Stepfamily Relationship Coach
www.coachingsteps.com

How To Be a Successful Stepmom Teleseminar

Being a stepparent is a really hard job and finding tools to help you make family life better is not easy.
On October 20th at 9:00 pm EST, I am offering a FREE teleseminar on how to be a successful Stepmom. (long distance charge may apply). Here are some of the comments from the participants:
"Thanks so much for the info. I didn't realize that others felt the same way"
"Your information was right on! Helped me to appreciate what I have now"
"Excellent information. Can't wait to hear more"

As a Life Coach specializing in helping someone just like you, I give you useful suggestions and tools that you can really put into practice in your everyday life.
I've been in your shoes as a stepmom and a mom. I know just how hard it can be. Why not come and listening in on what I have to offer and find out for yourself.

To register for the call, you'll need to email me at claudette@coachingsteps.com and I will send you the details of the call.

What are you waiting for. You have nothing to lose.

Looking forward to hearing you on the call
Warmly
Claudette